His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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