Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
