Jerry, you need to find god
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
