My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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