I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
