shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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