I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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