Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
