If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
