you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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