Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
