I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
