My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
