Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
