I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
