god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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