just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
