Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So many bounce houses so little time
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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