When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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