shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
