I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Houston, we have a squirter
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
