Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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