I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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