so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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