somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
ttyl tear gas
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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