I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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