So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
