life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
