I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
