Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
