I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize