He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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