he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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