Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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