we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
