No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
