so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im holly from the hills drunk
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
