bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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