I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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