Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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