you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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