You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
