my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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