Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
