it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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