You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
