TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
