Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
