I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
where does the pee come out of this thing
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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