I love watching others lives come down to our level.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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