The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
