he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
