He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
