So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
