Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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