I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
