Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
