make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sext me about skeletons
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
