There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
