Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
