I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So vagazzling was a success
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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