dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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