FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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